You know, you never know.

Today, Carlos opened my eyes to a new reality. There is a woman who spends a lot of time at St. Mary's - she wears traditional African dress, smiles politely, and carries all of her belongings with her wherever she goes. Her name is Jackie. She is homeless. I had no idea, until, when on our car ride home, Carlos asked if he could give her my clementines, and I vehemently protested out of ignorance, selfishness, and an unwillingness to humiliate another person. More than once I've passed her by going in and out of St. Mary's, going about my daily religious activities, through which I can comfort myself in the idea that I am being a good person. I listen to homilies about truly stepping outside of myself to love those in need, facilitate discussion on what it means to love selflessly, pray constantly that God will give me the grace to love as He loves - and yet, I passed her by. Not once, but multiple times. And never once did I think twice. When given the opportunity to love her, even though I did not know her story, I hesitated, not wanting to assume that she was homeless just based on the way she was dressed and the fact that she was walking around alone at night. But so what, even if she wasn't homeless? What was the hurt in giving a stranger a gift? Should desire not to offend really trump a kind gesture? Perhaps, like Carlos helped me understand, it is better to potentially humiliate someone on the chance that they actually have a need for your help.

I pride myself a bit, ridiculously, on my love for service and the poor. How I love going on mission trips, visiting the nursing home, volunteering anywhere there is need! All of these are great things, but what about the need of every person I encounter? There is a hunger in every heart for love - not merely in those places where you can "volunteer" to love. I realized that there is such a disconnect in me between doing loving acts and being a loving person. But as Mother Teresa said, "Don't only give your care, but give your heart as well." I don't want to merely do things for others when I'm "performing service" or volunteering or convincing myself that if I bake cookies for someone that that is all that they need to know that they are loved, I want to be "the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in my face, kindness in my eyes, kindness in my smile, kindness in my warm greeting." To truly love Christ, to truly love Carlos, to truly love my friends and family, means to love each and every member of the mystical body of Christ. Starting not with the whole world, but with my neighbor. With the strange woman at church. With the person sitting by themselves. With my roommates. With my cousins. The love from God that overwhelms my soul needs to be poured out of me so that each person I encounter will realize a glimpse of the immensity of God's love for them.

        

How blessed I am to be in a relationship that challenges me to rise out of my complacency and grow in my capacity to love and care for others. Carlos truly amazes me with how humble, loving, and selfless he is. He never toots his own horn and tells anyone when he befriends a homeless person, but respects their dignity and loves quietly. He actually was upset with me when I didn't want to help Jackie, calling me out for failing to love as God calls me to, and then he became upset with himself for being upset with me. How blessed am I? The best friends in your life will truly help you to be a better you. I'm all sorts of confused in my understanding of God's will for my life, but all I know is that He is forming me to be the woman of God He wants me to be through the friends and the relationships that He has placed me in, and I want to rest in that. Wherever He calls me beyond that, I'm working up the courage in Him to go. Jesus, I trust in You!

Here is a lovely picture of the amazing man with a heart of gold himself and me being adorable in the outskirts of Assisi to end my first ever post. Bah, joy!!!

Love,
Tran